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I tried to put it in perspective; I tried to explain to Gary, while trying to convince myself, that I allowed this to happen because I was lonely and grief stricken. I had simply turned to the wrong person for emotional and physical comfort.Gary seemed to sense that I was overwhelmed with guilt, and I needed comforting again. “Mom, I know you are feeling bad about what happened, but it was not wrong. I needed you every bit as much as you needed me. I wanted you as much as you wanted me. I needed you to need me the way you did. It was beautiful.”I reached over and took his hands in mine. “Gary, I know that is what you are feeling right now, and I appreciate you wanting to be there for me, but I was wrong.” I could feel my tears welling up in my eyes, my voice was starting to quiver as I tried to speak calmly. “Gary, I am supposed to protect you, not become a sexual predator that uses you for my own emotional crutch.”“Mom, that is not how it was. I initiated it. And It was beautiful to. When I first came to live with him I knew my place in the living arrangement was to be a total bottom / submissive plaything which honestly is where I belong in any relationship. I'm naturally submissive, always deferring to someone else, happy when I'm pleasing someone and hate making difficult decisions; having someone else in control and making those decisions for me is much preferable. So when it came time to move in with my boyfriend it was decided that total control had to be established from the get-go. I've be in other relationships and living arrangements before and always in the bottom role, I hadn't been with someone so utterly in charge of me in years. My boyfriend dictates nearly everything in my life now, from how and what I eat, how I dress (in public and private), and now he has total control over my sex.It was noted early on in the relationship that I was a bit to horny and eager to pleasure myself. I'm always ready to please my lover(s) but it was pointed out that.
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